I have been practicing NLP for 10 years now, with passion, training in organizations, coaching and/or teaching at all levels of NLP within renowned NLP institutions. I take special personal delight in modeling and applying modeling to others. On March 14th, 2005, I was given the pleasure of experiencing it with a most captivating “model:” Robert Dilts; and a fundamental issue: his quality of being in relation. The result is so moving that I really believe it essential to share with the whole NLP Community and, of course, with anyone who desires so beyond that community.

How This Modeling Came About

My interest for NLP is deeply rooted in the fact that-besides being efficient - it is generative and evolutionary. NLP allows us to create and find new possibilities, through its open-mindedness, especially by modeling.
NLP already belongs to a certain tradition, which stems from multiple sources. Theoretical sources (Gregory Bateson, Noam Chomsky, Paul Watzlawick) and empirical sources including the modeling of Virginia Satir, Fritz Perls and Milton Erickson by Richard Bandler and John Grinder, the original co-creators of NLP. NLP also fits into modernity - there have been many new developments in NLP - particularly with the in-depth work of Robert Dilts on NLP tools (SOAR and SCORE models, Neuro-Logical Levels, Beliefs Systems, Systemic NLP), on NLP applications (health, leadership, therapy, learning) and in terms of structure and popularization of NLP ( Modeling Geniuses, NLP Encyclopedia).

It is within the framework of these new developments in NLP that our day took place, modeling Robert Dilts on his quality of being in relation. In Montreal, before an audience of more than 100 people gathered there, thanks to the Centre Québécois de PNL and its director, Joanne Riou, we were able to take the time not to listen to Robert Dilts on a given topic, not to apply NLP exercises, but rather to respectfully look upon the “container,” the spirit and the soul of this man who has been contributing to NLP for 30 years now.

In fact, what I wanted from this day was to focus on the quality of being, more so than on Robert’s efficient strategies and behaviors. This was for two fundamental reasons:

- firstly, if I focus on the differences that make a difference in a successful helping relationship, I observe that efficiency and quality of being in relation are inseparable. NLP has mainly modeled efficient strategies and behaviors; therefore, it would have been of less value to decide on modeling tools or strategies again, which posed an actual risk of missing the essence of competency.

- then, we all rub elbows with highly efficient environments and people, people of excellence, our society itself produces efficiency and excellence. What do we need today? Only a little more excellence? NLP can continue to bring more value, in an authentic and unique way, by allowing us to open to other insights. What inspiration guides Robert through his interventions, for instance, seemed to be just as fascinating as which direction his eyes take.

How did we proceed?

Our modeling consisted of exploring Robert’s quality of being through three examples:

Our first example was a significant case that Robert chose. He described what he did to establish relationship in a situation in which getting rapport was not easy. From the very beginning, Robert took us into a deeper dimension - and I followed along - then inviting him, with questions, to explore even further his own awareness about his quality of being.

For our second example, we watched a videotaped intervention of Robert coaching someone during the 3-day seminar entitled “Systemic Tools for a World in Transformation” that he had given prior to the Modeling Day. At this point, with Robert, we co-modeled the intervention’s key points, stopping the tape and reflecting upon how and why Robert responded or acted the way he did.

Finally, our third example was simply the actual interaction between Robert and myself. Robert coached me to be in “his shoes” while I interacted with another person. I explored Robert’s quality of being by starting to integrate the patterns we had discovered and exploring further, in a wider way, questions that were necessary for me to understand this quality of being.

Following this, we asked the participants to try out the key patterns that had come from our exploration. To be able to observe a model is itself very enriching, and to touch the model’s structure deeply heightens the experience. Therefore, after formally defining Robert’s process with the neuro-logical levels, we asked participants to work on specifically integrating this modeling “into the muscle” by doing several exercises.

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